Friday, March 2, 2012

Amen, Mom, amen.

 Stop stressing over little things.  Take a step back. Take a break from the world. My mom used to say,  "Don't let little things get your goat."  Until last Tuesday I figured I was doing okay.  I have Planters Fashitis in my foot, but it's getting better, thanks to John at Core Physical Therapy. I'm learning about Isms and Ideology's in my graduating class, which is going great. I am writing, may not be what I really want to write about, but hey, Henry James isn't that bad. So now I have Itis and Isms in my life.
   Okay, okay I'm beating around the bush.  Last Tuesday, I was at work and doing my job, and all of a sudden I can't see out of one eye, the other was blurry.  I felt flush, my knees felt like lead, tingling in my hand, and I was about to pass out. I was confused.  I couldn't talk, and when I did it was like I had cotton in my cheeks. I held the wall or rather the wall held me. Still can't figure that one out.  After a minute I felt better, I still had double vision in my right eye, and my face felt ticklish. We have a high blood pressure machine and I used it. I saw 97.  I said holy crap, and I don't know what the other one was, but it was enough to be rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.  There I was in the ER hooked up to a heart monitor.  I thought, Damn, this can't be good. I thought about my life. My bestie, LaVeda, My Kids. My grand kids.  My writing. My book. Damn I still need to get it published. School. Oh, no, I need to be okay for class. Okay, okay calm down, I thought. Crap, double Crap!  What if I can't write anymore?  In 1990, my mother, my beautiful wonderful mother died of heart disease.  She had several small strokes, then open heart surgery and died in recovery. My father died two months before her.  Am I going to die?  Will I see them again?  Billy, maybe Matt, my brother Rick, my niece, my nephew? 
     One thought I remember vividly, even now, was I buried Billy on the 28th of February 2008, the very day I felt like I was going to die. I prayed that day and remembered.   My blood pressure came back down, not normal, but down to a safe level. With several days in the hospital, behind me, I'm home.  I feel like a pin cushion with sticky notes from the needles and sticky stuff to hold the tubes and wires on my body.  Still have some tests to be done, and writing with only one eye, but hopefully all this will be resolved in a few days. Thank God. Lesson learned. Don't stress. Don't let little things get your goat..... Amen, Mom, amen.

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